Space Weasels (Dirk Beretta (ex) Space Marine) Page 3

  “That'll teach you to try to eat me!” Felicia screamed. She swung again, but Gothaer rolled out of the way and she stumbled as the heavy chains hit the floor.

  Gothaer pushed himself to his feet, squealing as he put weight on the leg Felicia had broken. Dirk grabbed the console and pulled himself up, feeling rage flowing where his Chi Power wasn't. Gothaer tried to pull the axe from the dead weasel's head, but it was too deeply embedded. Instead he bared his claws and swung towards Dirk.

  Dirk sidestepped, and grabbed Gothaer's arm.

  “I was going to rip your heart out and cook it for supper, but I have a better idea,” Dirk squeaked.

  He pushed Gothaer into the nearest chair. “Computer, crash restraints,” he squeaked. The restraints slid around Gothaer's body from the sides of the seat, holding him firmly in place. Dirk wiggled the axe free with his remaining hand, and smashed the restraint mechanism so it wouldn't open.

  “Warning. Reactor overload. This ship will self-destruct in thirty seconds,” the computer squeaked.

  Dirk reached down and took Felicia's hand, helping her to her feet. “Now let's get out of this rat cage.”

  Gothaer struggled in the seat. “I'll cook your heart in a creamy sauce, human scum.”

  Felicia looked at the bloody stump. “But Dirk, your arm...”

  “It'll grow back,” Dirk said.

  Dirk looked back through their escape pod's porthole as they accelerated away from the weasel ship. Two pods followed them as weasels tried to get away. A flash of light burst through the skin of the ship's engineering section, then explosions ripped the whole ship apart. The other two pods vanished in the expanding debris cloud.

  The blast hit the comet itself, tearing it into a dozen icebergs and a billion ice cubes. Dirk caught a glimpse of the Bad Boy spinning off into space, trailing smoke. Eog was going to be pissed.

  Dirk heard the clink of metal on metal. He turned around. Felicia had clipped her chains to the hand-holds beside the sofa-bed.

  “Oh dear,” she said, “I'm completely helpless.”

  The escape pod's engines shut off, leaving them in zero gravity. Dirk floated towards her. “What would your father think if he heard I'd taken advantage of you in a weasel escape pod?”

  “He'd be pretty annoyed, I imagine.”

  Dirk looked at her. He was about to throw away all the nachos he could ever eat. And a million dollars.

  But for this girl he'd make any sacrifice.

  AUTHOR’S NOTES

  Dirk Beretta was a character I invented some years ago in a writing example for a web forum, but somehow he just seemed to stick. I liked the idea of the tough, but not terribly smart, ex-space marine who had been inducted in some wacky religion by a crazy cult leader, fighting space weasels.

  A version of this story was originally published under a pen-name. When I first released it I thought I should keep the funny SF stories separate to the more serious stories I’ve been writing under this name, but I later decided I should really keep them all together. So I’ve tweaked and edited the original versions and I’m re-releasing them under my name.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Edward M. Grant spent his childhood in the South-West of Britain and studied Physics at Oxford, but now lives in Canada. He wrote magazine articles and worked on numerous indie movies in and around London, including co-writing a vampire movie that was later shot in California. He has travelled the world, been a VIP at several space shuttle launches, survived earthquakes and a tsunami, climbed Mt Fuji and visits nuclear explosion sites as a hobby.

  He grew up on pulp horror and SF novels and still has a soft spot for both. However, his background as a physicist helps him write stories toward the harder end of the SF spectrum.

  Find him online at www.edwardmgrant.com, or subscribe to his new release mailing list at www.edwardmgrant.com/list.

  ALSO BY EDWARD M. GRANT

  Welcome To The Future

  No-one expects to find alien life in NGC 2419. But when the first probes encounter a dirty, industrial planet somewhere no human is known to have been, the race is on to be the first to welcome its inhabitants into the galactic community. Will it be two poker-playing starships, or The Future, for whom pretension is a vocation, not just a way of life?

  A 5,500 word science fiction short story.

  Final Contact

  Ever wondered where the aliens are? Bill is sure they don't exist, but after centuries searching the galaxy for any sign of intelligent life, I'm not about to give up yet.

  I've just received this hot tip from a gang of Luddites out near M15. Hot enough that even Bill has chosen to join me for my final attempt to prove him wrong...

  A 4,000 word science fiction short story set in The Future’s universe.

 

 

  Edward M. Grant, Space Weasels (Dirk Beretta, (ex) Space Marine)

 

 

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